Tell someone you’re into fashion yet never expect what will come to mind, for everyone will have their own questions, opinions, and expectations
There was a time when I was younger, when keeping up with the latest runway designs was second nature to me. I could tell you what ads were in which magazines, name up and coming designers, and give a history lesson on my favorite ones. Everyday I had a new idea and everyday I found a way to bring it to life. A simple sketch, a pair of earrings from whatever was around, an accessory made from clothes I no longer wanted to wear. The hot glue gun was my partner in crime and together we created my fashion. It kept together the marriage of a pair of jeans, several silver bangles and faux flower petals. An interesting pair of bottoms they were, but I must admit they were cute and no one else had a pair like them. It kept my the seams together after I changed an oversized school sweater into a dolman sleeved masterpiece. I might’ve looked different but I was still in uniform, there was nothing the dean could do about it. I could go on, but I think my point is clear. Project runway was exciting and pretty much a glimpse into my future, since I knew for sure I would find myself competing and winning. √, another accomplishment to check off the list as I accelerate full speed ahead into my career. Of course, after graduating from my first choice (only choice) college.
FIDM. “California, here I come”. Fearless, confident, and uniquely me. The stories I have are plentiful and perhaps they are for another post. But it was some time after that I stopped living like what fashion was to me. Or so it would it seem to others. So lets start over.
Tell someone you’re into fashion yet never expect what will come to mind, for everyone will have their own questions, opinions, and expectations.
My style changes, my interests change, what inspires me changes, my environment changes, my life changes, I change. Change is the fashion in which I have. What I produced shifted from hot glue gun creations and effortless designs to fascinating stories I would write and fan art of my favorite anime characters. Whatever could fit became a forehead band or a belt, I loved making ridiculous scarves look cool, and anything that represented Sasuke or the Uchiha was as fashion forward as it got. While I wanted to become an Assistant Designer for Anna Sui, I decided that becoming the Head of Merch for Funimation would be just as satisfying. Even with all the changes, one thing remained the same: my natural, involuntary act of expressing who I was.
While change was ever-present, it was not always favorable. Seeds of doubt, fear, hesitation, and outside forces I couldn’t identify were planted. As they grew, they attempted to kill all the fashion that could grow from me. Here are the hurdles I faced:
Blockage: inability to create new things due to lack of inspiration, over thinking, and an infinite amount or other reasons. Blockage came the most during times I wasn’t the happiest or completely stressed out.
Opinions of others: so many people, especially family, watched as I evolved into this creatively free person and even moved across country to pursue my dreams. There was always doubt present, expressed through snide statements and passive actions. Sometimes I felt like I had to prove them wrong, sometimes I felt bad I couldn’t.
Trying to be true to myself and be what others wanted me to be at the same time: there really is no room in me for me to try to be anyone else. Though short-lived, this was a hurdle I faced. Who I was and what people wanted me to be was not matching up, but I tried to make it match. There were few I wanted to make proud and others I wanted to shut up. But how could I do either, when I couldn’t 100% true to myself?
Holding myself back: my biggest hurdle!! I don’t know what it is about this one. Always hiding my work or not finishing it because I questioned what was the point. Anytime I hold myself back, I see it now as settling for failure…because that’s what being anything less than me is.
Inconsistency: whether because of myself or because of uncontrollable life situations, there always existed a level of inconsistency. Creatively, I could be at the apex of my potential, styling artists, landing high scores on school projects, creating for myself and others…just overall inspired and passion-filled. Then there would be lows, when I’m stressed and wouldn’t create a thing for months.
I think what gets me through these hurdles whenever they decide to rear their ugly heads is simply… the rebel in me. I’ve said countless times that I’ve never felt the need to rebel because of how I was raised. I was always allowed and encouraged to be who I wanted to be in my home, in my life. If I could be myself there, there was no way I would spend precious energy hiding myself elsewhere. But this very concept is rebellious. I rebel against my struggles and fight them with who I really am, who I’m meant to be. When I’m not, every fiber of me screams, I have no choice but to crush these hurdles.
Over time, I have definitely equipped myself with methods of defeating whatever obstacles obstruct my progress and I’d like to share them with those who experience the same or something similar. Yet, with this post over 900 words, look forward to my next post expressing some tips that get me through the hard times.
Till next time,